Knowing When to Call it Quits

Every other movie that’s coming out these days seems to have a number after its name. Actually most recently, ‘movie title thinkers’ – if such a sweet job exists – have combated this trend by having new names to their sequels. Rocky 37 became “Rocky Balboa”, Die Hard 4 became… “Die Hard 4.0” and “Live Free or Die Alone”. I don’t even know what that Die Hard name fiasco was all about but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Long story short, everything and anything that’s good and can be repeated somehow, gets done so until the cow is out of milk. The same can be said about Basketball players. Those Got Milk? Commercials – they were actually aimed at the stars in the ad. Who was the last notable NBA player to retire at his peak? That’s a question I’m going to let you ponder over, while I take a look back at all those players who just should have quit while they were still bright in our minds.

Late Exit

Michael Jordan
I went to psychiatrists, hypnotists, even joined scientology cults and had a brainwash – but still haven’t managed to remove this tragedy from my memory. Why MJ, WHYYY! As cliché as it has gotten, you had a perfect story book ending. Spielberg, Clancy, Dan Brown, and Shakespeare couldn’t have joined forces and created such an engrossing tale. The only thing that helps me sleep at night is that shot you hit in the All-Star game over Marion. Thank god the Matrix didn’t swat that shot cross court onto Jay-Z’s mug – that would have been two birds with one stone really. For those of you who manage to trick themselves that he did a good job and helped the Wizards….what can I say, I envy you.

Scottie Pippen
Why won’t Pippen just leave the NBA? I didn’t mind his stint in Houston or Portland, he wasn’t the Pip we all loved but he had plans I guess. Then I find out those plans are to go back to the Bulls, try his luck at NBA.com journalist aka spy, and now he wants back in the L again. The GM’s that denied his requests deserve a medal of some sort. Medal of Fresh Milk.

Dennis Rodman
Having 3 players from the greatest team ever on this list wasn’t my original intention, but that’s what happens when you don’t think about your future!! (That was my subtle attempt to give them a dose of their own medicine). Not much can be said about the Worm, and he can’t really blamed either. He’s just trying to play for as many teams as possible so he can a) try to beat Wilt’s record of….most NBA cheerleaders impregnated and b) be the only player to have worn all jersey numbers.

Penny Hardaway, Grant Hill
Both huge heroes of mine back in the day. Their final years in the NBA just makes me a sad old man trying to fight away the pain by trying to vaguely remember the good times of what seems like ages ago.


Any Great NBA Center
If you start having to freeze your knees in order to play – that’s probably a good sign to call it quits.

Shawn Kemp, Karl Malone
One turned into a fat depressed suicidal drug addict, the other into a perverted old border-line pedophilic backstabber. Exaggeration never hurts anybody.

Clyde Drexler
Ball room dancing might not be basketball, but it’s still a sport!

Dikembe Mutombo, Chris Webber, Half of the Miami Heat Roster etc
These are guys you would have thought retired looong ago, in fact you probably think they did retire if you don’t pay close attention to the NBA. Sadly, just when we think we have eliminated them - they reappear, in a new city, in a new disguise, ready to inflict pain on anyone crazy enough to think legends exist.

Final Word

So while I would like the greats that I looked up to stay heroic in my mind, this is not the world we live in. In fact, a little part of me wanted MJ to come back, regardless of how bad he was going to be. This is my short term half of the brain, taking over my long term half. When all is said and done, it’s the players that make the decisions. Their reasons are valid too; they have nothing else to do, they want to secure their financial (luxurious) future, they want that championship ring, and above all their love for the game. While it is fans like you and me that keep this sport alive, and are the ones that the league needs to please – it’s not to say that nothing good can come out of this player habit.

Look at Alonzo Mourning. He was very close to being a top candidate for this list, instead his long stay made him out to be a much more loved player than he was at his ‘physical peak’. He’s been an inspiration beyond basketball. Same thing can be said about Magic Johnson. He battled through AIDS in his body, in his personal life, in the public media, and finally on the basketball court. You look at any of the current veteran players that stay in the NBA by accepting near minimum contracts and that is another source of inspiration and excitement. Yes, I would like them to blow by their opponents and throw down dunks like they used to do when they were young. However, like a lot of other things in life, the older something gets the more value it collects. Wisdom, experience, leadership, perseverance – these are some of the things we would be missing out on if we focused solely on physical capabilities. These are all my opinions of course, and so I leave you to judge this case for yourself, before I outstay my welcome.